Christmas afternoon, after the gifts were opened and dinner was done, I reached for my journal, eager to start my yearly time of reflection. That's when I realized my journal was missing. My search turned into a hunt as I racked my brain trying to remember when and where I had last used it. I finally found it, a half-an-hour later—in the little drawer unit I set up earlier this year to help keep me and my writing somewhat organized and consolidated.
I settled in my chair, and while the family watched Lord of the Rings (again) I eagerly turned to my last entry, ready to begin my journey. I could not believe my eyes when I saw the date of that entry: January 20, 2008. That's 11 months ago! Nothing could have reminded me of the changes that have taken place in my life this last year more than that jolt did. When I realized that blogging was the next step God wanted me to take, I set my journal down and started figuring out Blogger (sheesh, what a journey that was!) and working on Patterings. I determined that whether anyone ever found me here didn't matter, it was an act of obedience on my part, and my obedience could not be contingent on other people.
God has blessed me so abundantly! The changes that have come about in my life are not the ones I anticipated, they are completely different, and so much better than I could have imagined! This last year my life has changed tremendously--not only am I writing on a regular and consistent basis, but God has blessed me with a circle of soul sisters that I never dreamed of having.
As I look forward, I've really been wrestling. One of my goals that was modified, has been plaguing me for three months. I've wrestled with it, prayed over it and even tried ignoring it (which, btw, didn't work). I wanted direction. Handwriting on the wall or even a neon sign would have been nice, but that hasn't happened. Instead I feel God asking me to simply trust Him and keep writing. I feel a bit like Namaan might have. He went to the prophet looking for a miracle, and received a message through a servant instead. 'What? Dip in the Jordan River seven times?' What? Keep writing and trust You? How can something that sounds so simple be so hard? I want answers, I want definites. But I also know that if I knew I probably would never budge from where I am. So, I'm strapping on my seat belt (to keep my tail plastered in this chair to ensure that I finish this project God has not released me from—even though I asked for release) and taking one baby step at a time and trusting Him.
He will finish this work He's started in me.
My mission: obedience.