Wednesday, May 04, 2011

When Peace Flees

How is it that things can be trucking along oh-so well and suddenly nosedive? You find yourself standing in a barren place saying “What on earth just happened?!” The peace you had evaporated, leaving emptiness where it once was. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?

For days I grappled discouragement and it just didn't make sense to me. I began hunting for peace—God's peace—after all, how was I to teach a Bible study dealing with peace when all I had was a ring of evaporation where there once was that river of peace? So I searched for where I turned off the path, for harbored sin, for unknown sin, for over-tiredness...anything that might even overshadow God's peace in me. But I carefully avoided an area. It hurt too much to go near there. An area that often seems selfish to me.

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now. But I guess I haven't.

In the midst of all that's going on, I closed the documents that were always open. It seemed that once again I had to postpone writing fiction and, to be honest, I didn't put up much of a fight. The historical missionary romance story I'm working on brings up so much emotion in me that it's overwhelming. I totally love the research I was doing, but had to read it through tears. I don't understand why. Maybe it's a way that God was using to show me and remind me that this isn't just a pet project, that it's something He's planted deep in my heart, that it's not something I can walk away from, even for a few months. Working on it is a joy that often bleeds and leaves me wavering between exhilaration and exhaustion.

On my way to Bible study last night, I poured out my heart to God, asking Him where the peace had gone and how was I to teach on His peace when I didn't have it. I asked, and God answered. I think He'd been trying to answer for a couple of days but I was too busy avoiding that area of my heart, thinking the ache over closing that document for awhile was simply my selfish desire to write.

I wasn't even half-way to study when peace returned. This morning that document is once again open, and this afternoon I'll work on it. A little everyday will keep the momentum going and the progress flowing while still letting me do the other things I need to do.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. ~John 14:27

So tell me, how's the peace in your heart?

6 comments:

  1. Oh, Patty, this is exactly where I have been for the past two weeks. So much happening that peace eludes me. Thanks for the reminder to pour my heart out at His feet. You are in my prayers.
    Love you, Rita

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  2. Anonymous9:13 PM

    Thanks for writing from your heart! Sharing your ups and downs is truly a blessing and an inspiration, drawing me closer to Him! Why don't I ask Him for these things more often? By His grace I am, more and more.

    Dan

    ReplyDelete
  3. (((hugs))) Love and prayers for you, dear jewelly sister!

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  4. Oh, Peejers. God is good. My peace is coming - I can feel it. Just listening to Him makes SUCH a difference. Love you sweet thing!

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  5. Wow, Patty, your human too!! -:) It's good we have God - guess most writers have those times - I know I do - Can't wait to read that story!

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  6. I can so relate to this as I am getting ready to lead a bible study in June/July and have lost my peace. By peace, I have lost all inspiration.
    Even before reading this, I came to the conclusion that many other things in my life, including time spent blogging, needs to go for a while, or at least be cut back on. I need to seek him away from any distractions.
    Thank you for your thoughts here.

    ReplyDelete

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