These three words have been on my mind a lot this past few weeks. And I do mean a lot.
Yes, I am fickle. I'll admit that right up front. But it's not just girlie fickleness—it's that many times I honestly do not care which way I go. (When I have an opinion I'm just plain mulish. Ask my husband. *eye roll*) So when I see things opening up one direction and feel a leading, I'm good to go with it, and I do. But that tends to lead toward... failure. Or seeming failure.
How so? Well, as I venture through different doors I may get part way through and the door closes on me. That doesn't bother me at all—I see it as God clearly closing the door. Other times I get through the door and I'm ready to take off. I have everything prepped and ready and I'm excited. But the room that open door led to is empty. Not a single thing in there. Failure.
Or is it?
Well, I know from experience that people looking on often see it as failure. And fickleness. Now, I really don't like being seen as a fickle failure. Does anyone? But yanno, the it ain't over 'til it's over... and it ain't over yet! (See my eyes rolling as I snicker?)
This is where faithfulness comes in. Well, actually, faithfulness is woven throughout as I try to faithfully stay close to God and faithfully obey, and faithfully evaluate where things are. And this is exactly where I've been the last couple weeks: evaluating. (And that, my friends, will be another post! It's in the works.)
I've walked through a door recently and everything came together beautifully. Everything. I was ready to run and prepared for a marathon. But the starting gun never fired, leaving me toed in at the starting line. The door that was flung open to me led to a room that's empty. Not a single thing there. All the encouragement and help and cheering on that I've received and now when friends ask, excited for me, I have to tell them it opened to... nothing. Since I prayed much over the event (and still do) I'm not upset by it—but every now and then those first two f words ambush me. Yanno, fickle and failure.
So tell me,
where do you think faithfulness fits with fickle and failure?
Does seeming failure imply fickleness, or worse, faithLESSness?