Weedy Deeds

Driving into town the other day I spotted some of the last bearded irises of the season. I never would've seen them if I hadn't known where to look because the weeds were all around them and as tall as the blossoms. What a shame to hide such pretty blooms! I thought as I whizzed past, my mind going back to the tension between me and my husband.

As much as I didn't like to hear it, let alone admit it, he had a valid point: I had been neglecting my responsibilities. While he had been pointing out my irresponsibility my mind had been busily refuting him. Yeah, well what about all the things I have done, and done well—so you didn't have to worry about it? What about all those things? You never seem to notice all that until I mess-up and then you notice the screw-up.

The little birdie that constantly whispers in my ear said, “Yeah, well this was a big screw-up and he's making a good point. You'd better listen-up.”

You know, sometimes I'd really like to muzzle that birdie. But it's good that I didn't because as I watched for the next place that has bearded irises growing in their yard, the birdie started talking to me again. She pointed out to me that sometimes the good things that I do are much like the bearded irises that were hiding in the weeds. I let so many weeds and bad things grow up in me and around me that it's hard to see the good and beautiful things.

I decided right then that it was time for me to start doing some weeding so that others, especially my wonderful husband, could see the good things in me.

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God's Binoculars

When I saw a flash of scarlet and gold in the trees I went on high alert and wished I had my binoculars handy. The bright colors of an oriole are guaranteed to brighten my day and I'd love to see one and start feeding it. By the time I got my binoculars out of the front closet the bird was gone, so I placed them beside me so they'd be handy for the next time.

Soon a hummingbird came to the feeder right outside my window and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing her close up and crystal clear. Next a flicker visited the yard light pole and I was amazed by his intricate detail that I had missed all these years. As I studied and enjoyed the birds in a new way I couldn't help but praise God for His awesome craftsmanship. What a God of detail and style we serve!

With the binoculars at my eyes I realized the Holy Spirit is similar (but much better than!) any pair of binoculars. When we read or meditate on Scripture through the lens of the Holy Spirit we see things more clearly and in greater detail. Prayerfully approaching God's Word allows us to understand it better...the Spirit clarifies our sight.

Just like my binoculars are now near my chair so they're close at hand, I want to be in close communion with God so His Spirit can can be my binoculars and help me see things clearly.

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My Other Boys

March and May are bittersweet months for me. I love Spring—everything about it, but as the daffodils bloom I'm reminded of two precious little ones I have waiting for me. They're safe in Jesus' arms. Here's my journal entry from 9 years ago in March:

“Elijah is his own special miracle. Just 14 weeks after conception and Elijah was so perfectly formed. I was able to count his little fingers and his tiny toes as I held him ever so gently in my hand. With his eyes beginning to open and his mouth open there was no mistaking his identity--he was my son. So longed for. It didn't matter that he was Baby #5 for us—we knew the joy children bring with them and we couldn't wait to get to know this special baby, with the unique personality God had given him. Each baby is unspeakably special and so cherished.

Elijah was a gift from God...but for some reason God sent him over five months early and as I held this precious child in my hand, I sat in awe of God. Just 14 weeks and he was so perfectly formed. His little ribs and plump belly reminded me of all I would miss in the coming months and years...

We only had Elijah with us for 14 weeks, and then, as even now, we treasured him. His absence is felt deep within us, and we know there will always be one more than is with us here. Elijah is his own special miracle. He is forever imprinted on our hearts.”

The following year, almost 14 months to the day, we miscarried another little one, this one at 18 weeks. This is what I wrote in May, 2000:

“...'Safe in the arms of Jesus' has taken on a whole new meaning for me and resting in God's sovereignty has kept me securely anchored. Reading God's Word has truly been a balm to my ragged spirit. In the midst of my grief my Bible reading brought me to Habakkuk and I found my spirit crying out with him, 'Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice int the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places.' (Hab. 3:18-19).

Through the blackness of my grief I saw the candlelight of God shining through. As I turned my focus from my loss to God's light the blackness began to recede. Yes, there's still grief, but grief without blackness is bearable. I long for my two boys who are safe in the arms of Jesus and I weep for them, but God's light and comfort are here, surrounding me. As a result I was able to sing through my tears 'My God how great Thou art!!' and mean it with every fiber of my being! Worshiping God has made my feet sure and steady as I climb this rocky path, and this rocky path is bringing me into the Sonshine.

'...Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee,
How great Thou art—HOW GREAT THOU ART!!'”

Just so you know, 8 months later we learned I was pregnant again and when fear threatened to choke me I had a verse to cling to—one I had found right after singing 'How Great Thou Art' that first Sunday back at church. It was Isaiah 41:13 “For you are the LORD my God who has declared, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'” Throughout my 36 week pregnancy I clung to that verse, knowing that even if we lost that baby too, He would help us through the grief. But there was only joy when Isaac was born 4 weeks early. And he's still a joy—just as our four other children here are.

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The Master Decorator

How is it that some people can take a room, fill it with spare parts, old parts, new parts, odd parts and all kinds of other things and make it beautiful?!! I have never been able to understand it. I could take the same parts and pieces, arrange them, and have a...garage sale. It just doesn’t work for me.

I’ve studied Better Homes & Gardens for years, dreamed, schemed, plotted and planned, and my house still looks like a collection of yard sale and auction finds, which it is. What’s the missing link? If I hang a curtain like the masters do in BH&G, it’d look like a sheet hung with strips of rags instead of the cool curtains they ended up with. What am I doing wrong?

I just don’t have that magical touch of a decorating master’s hand. Some hands create beauty out of chaos, mine create more chaos out of chaos. How I wish I could create an environment that invited people to enter, relax and visit and unwind, but I struggle with keeping the living room presentable enough so my husband doesn't groan when he walks in the door at night!

But just because I don’t have a decorator’s touch in my home doesn’t mean I’m not touched by the Master Decorator. He’s willing to decorate my soul if I just give Him access to it. Am I willing for Him to dig through the attic of my life, looking for antique treasures I had tucked away and buried? What about those basement corners in my life? Just because I think something is junk and have it hidden in my basement, doesn’t mean He doesn’t want to pull it out, touch it up, and add it to my living room, that ‘public’ part of my life.

God, the Master Decorator, is able to pull all the parts and pieces of my life together, even the seemingly ugly parts, and create a place of comfort, a haven from life’s storms. But I need to give Him access to my hiding places. Am I willing to have Him pull out the ‘uglies’ hidden in my life and create beauty from those? Am I willing to invite people in to see how He has decorated my soul? It means exposure. It means allowing them to see the uglies. But those uglies, once touched by the Master’s hand, are not ugly any more, they’re worked into the whole and they create a picture and a place of His beauty. If I allow Him access and invite Him to decorate my soul.

Please, Lord, be the Master Decorator in my life and soul. I give You the keys to my attic, basement, closets, shed, and garage--every hiding place in my life. Take these parts, even the ugly ones, and touch them and arrange them to create a place of beauty in me--a place of refreshment and peace. Be the Master Decorator in me.

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A Sheep in Mule's Clothes

Not too far from my house a man has a pair of mules and they're fun to see as we zoom past on our way to town. We've seen them scratching each other's backs, whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and even just resting companionably in the sunshine.

This time past I noticed one was lying down resting and the other was nearby grazing, and I saw the evidence of their consistency. Where they lie down is worn down to bare dirt in an almost perfect circle, but beyond that circle all is green. I really wanted to stop and scratch their ears and tell them that if they would move their resting area over just ten feet they'd have nice soft, green grass to lie on. Do you think they'd listen to me and move? No, probably not. In that I'm just like those mules. I'm so stuck in my rut that I don't want to move even just a few feet to a nicer place.

God has provided me, and has offered me, a beautiful place to rest, but I stubbornly insist on staying in the same place I've aways been. I have a lot of mule in me and it's not how God meant me to be. He has green pastures and still waters for me, not just a small, hard packed circle of dirt. Maybe it's time for me to stop acting like a mule and remember that I'm a sheep listening to my Shepherd's voice and enjoy the good He has for me.

“The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.”
~Psalm 23:1-3 (NASB)

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Ten Reasons I Blog

My dear, darling Laury of In My Daddy's Arms tagged me this morning, so now I have to figure out 10 reasons why I blog. Oh my.

The best reason I could come up with is that I'm bored and need something to do and blogging seemed like an easy no-brainer thing to do. (So not!) *phew* There's one. How many reasons do I need? Ten! *Yikes *

Blogging the nuggets God gives me is a good discipline for me.

I need the writing practice.

It's given me a focus—a theme-- to write to. (I'm a writing junkie if you haven't noticed. LoL)

I started blogging to keep in touch with family that's spread around the country. (a different blog)

Places that have accepted my stories asked if I have a link to include in my byline—so I obliged. *Grin *

It's encouraging to hear from people and to see that others visit my blog. It'd be even more encouraging if they'd say 'Hi'. LoL *pant, pant* How many is that?

It's making me learn more computer skills than I ever thought I'd need or even want. (It's been good mental exercise.)

I've met some wonderful new friends. *Hi Annette!*

Ummm...hehe.
So I can tell my kids I'm working on the computer and not just playing. *winkums*

*wipes sweat from forehead and leans on keyboard* That was hard work!

Now, to pass on the blessing I tag Laura and one of my best friends from high school, down in Ecuador, Heather in Madrid. Have fun ladies! (hehe. It's only 'cuz I love you!) *grin*

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Not Just Green

My trips to town now are full of color--the fields are not just green, they're a vibrant green from the rain and warmer weather. But it's not just the fields, it's the flowering trees and spring flowers that add a bright beauty to everything. Everything is refreshed and restored after the winter—the months of drab barrenness.

Looking through my life, I can see times of drabness, and times of greenness--even times when my life has seemed lush and vibrant. Those were the times I was closest to God. Times when I lived from the overflow of my time spent in communion with my Savior.

I've found that worship and praise can turn the nice, green landscape of my life into a lush garden that sparkles with splashes of vibrant color. And that's what I want—lush and vibrant. Green is good, but why settle for good when gorgeous is just across that bridge of worship and praise?

“Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation,
And sustain me with a willing spirit.”
~Psalm 51:12

“Bless he Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me,
bless His holy name.”
~Psalm 103:1

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